This past Tuesday I completed another semester, and I was glad. Glad that it was over. These past couple of months have been really tough, both academically and emotionally (deadly combination). I’m still struggling with the math classes, which are the classes that I have left for me to get my degree. It can be disheartening, and it makes me feel like a failure when I can’t pass those classes. I’m good at everything else: history, psychology, science, programming, you name it. When it comes to math, it’s a different story, especially with my anxiety mixed in with all of it.
I’ve been learning to reduce those thoughts I get about failure through therapy, but it’s a work in progress. Even though I still have some time to go before I get my degree, I’m trying to make the best of it by taking different classes, even if they’re not related to my field. Another motivation is finally getting my portfolio up, along with some other projects, which will keep me busy and with a more optimistic outlook.
It’s all about picking yourself up, trying your best, and seeing a positive, even when it’s a ‘negative’ situation. I’m trying, and I will get better with stopping those negative thoughts.
This quote describes my current situation perfectly. Since August of last year, I’ve fallen back into a depression. I’ve dealt with depression for most of my life, but these past few episodes have been really bad. That, with my anxiety issues, have created a ‘black hole’ as I like to call it, that’s been draining me emotionally and sometimes it’s extremely tough to tolerate and deal with.
I’ve pondered about posting about my mental health for years, but ever since I’ve been working with things mental health related (My boyfriend’s organization, and attending/helping with support groups), it has given me a new perspective about being open about your situation and raising awareness. It’s okay to talk about it, and I have nothing to hide. Hopefully this is the beginning of a more honest blog, this is where I can write about anything I want, and I should take advantage of it.
Like the title of this post says, I’m slowly winning and dealing with battles, that people cannot see. I’m hopeful it will get better, especially now that I’m seeing a professional that can help me with all these issues.